What you starin at? I'm not a mirror!

Now that MTV's The Hills is over for the season, and we eagerly and admirably anticipate the release of this, I have taken the shameless dive into the new lineup of mindless television. I'm all hot and bothered by The Adventures of Hollyhood on Thursday nights at 10:00. This Three 6 Mafia spectacle tells the precious tales of Juicy J, DJ Paul, Project Pat, Big Triece and Computer as they have recently moved to California from Memphis. It chronicles everything you'd expect in a Three 6 Mafia reality TV show. Everything from Scarface t-shirts, to Big Triece peeing in Jennifer Love Hewitt's yard, to Computer and Big Triece "lookin like a coupla flies trapped in a #%@& damn jar," when they perform their attempt at creating a rap song around the hook "Kill Yourself." This show was an unexpected, yet pleasant surprise to say the least. I for one, hope this show will stand firm alongside this pleasurable gem for an age.

(Note: I wasn't planning on blogging about the brilliance of MTV programming, but I just couldn't contain myself.)

Speaking of brilliance and making something important of my life, I am proud to say that I spent a good two hours on this website last night. I was bossing models in lingerie around, and watching them listen to my every word. Sure, there were times when they let me know that my instructions were a little out of line and a little "forward," but in the end, we created a beautiful piece of billboard art together. The technology here is fabulous as it allows drooling users to believe that they're really asking models to audition in select poses in order to make a billboard and, eventually send it to friends so they can make a pretty much identical piece of artwork. Regardless, I think the technology here is pretty fascinating and I'm not sure what Sloggi is, but they have a friend for life in yours truly.

I've come to a crossroads in my life. I never thought the day would come when my baby sister would be my premium resource for access to an entire culture of women. But my friends, the day has come. She is setting me up on a blind date with her instructor from cosmetology school. I talked to this person for a total of three minutes and thirty one seconds. Here is what I know before breaching a scenario that is somewhat uncharted territory for me:

First, she enjoys this show, but was disappointed last night because she rushed home after working an 11 hour day to find a rerun episode (note: this may be why we only talked for 3:31. Either she was in a tired-non talkative-my show wasn't on and I'm going to bed now- mood, or I'm too much of a schmo to drive conversation...if the latter turns our to be the case, I can't help but believe she'll feel like going on a date with me leaves something to be desired.)

Second, she has one of those sexy raspy voices, like the ones people get when it's really late at night, only I think she has it all the time because her answering machine proclaimed a consistent tone with the angelic hum I was speaking with.

I know that my sis told me that this girl thinks she's funnier than me. Well she's got another thing comin for a couple of reasons: 1) I find myself absolutely jocular and uproarious. 2) I am in no way chauvinistic, however in my experience, I have found the well of funny women has all but dried up. So I'm expecting monumental things here.

I know that I chose a classic date to go on a date. Must mean good things to come!

Oh and I know that I just called her on accident. Talk about being smooth. I got up to let my dog out (and because this laptop has burned a hole through my pants and created a sheen of sweat on my scrotum....sorry, inappropriate I know) and I set this computer on the cellphone to my immediate left.

The computer apparently pressed the right buttons to get to my "recently called" list, and proceeded to dial her number...and then proceeded to hang up...now, I realize that this sounds like a creepy stalker story, but I swear that I am sweating profusely because of how embarrassed I currently am.* Everything was going so well, and I was feeling so good and calm about this situation until now...and my friend Adrienne made things better by telling me "that'll totally suck when you try to explain it to her - it'll just sound like an excuse," thanks friend.
*read above as to why I am really sweating.

OK last thing then I'm leaving. For those of you (who am I kidding?, no one reads this!) who haven't seen this yet, you probably know my love for Fergie (she rests at number 3 on my list of "People who, if they met me, would fall madly in love with me and my charm," right behind Rachel (1) and the previously mentioned Lauren (2) and right ahead of Jess (4).) You probably know that if you're on the my "list," I'll happily watch/listen to anything you produce visually or audibly, good or bad. Needless to say, Fergie is on the list. This wretched tramp is not. She will never be. But she still did a fabulous job at jabbing the Sweet Black Eyed Pea in her own rendition of the hit single "My Humps." Take a gander...you won't be disappointed.