Thursday, August 7, 2008

...But God Doesn't Have Breasts...

I have unsubscribed to CNN”s “Top 10 news stories” email five times now. They refuse to take me off the list. So in reading the Top 10 for the day, I came across the “Number 3” story for August 7, 2008 – “Mega Preacher’s Wife Being Sued over Loss of Faith”…oh!? That sounds interesting, let me click on that!

I came to discover that CNN duped me. Being sued for “a loss of faith,” and being sued for “assault” at least seem to be different things. A few things before I step up on an orange crate and start hurling fruit…

First, is it assault for denying your personal religious faith? If so, who are you assaulting…God? Maybe the flight attendant is a metaphor for God…maybe Ms. Osteen was elbowing God in the left breast. Can you be sued for a personal, internal choice of faith? Are you losing your faith if you decide to “elbow someone in the left breast?” Can you even “lose” your faith? I guess what I’m getting at is….what does belief in God, gravity, oxygen or the sun have to do with assaulting a flight attendant? And no where in this article does it say that Ms. Osteen was being sued for her lack of faith like the headline would lead you to believe.

I’m confident I’m still allowed to believe in God if I’m caught beating down an unsuspecting flight attendant (male of course…of course I know I’m going to hell if I elbow a woman).

I don’t know who Victoria Osteen is, but apparently she’s famous in Texas Christian circles. Whoever she is, I’m sure I wouldn’t like her…for I don’t like anyone that would lay a finger on flight attendants, the angels of our skies. But even so, whether she’s famous or not, just because she KO’d another human being, and in turn, received word that she was being sued does not mean that A) she’s no longer a person of faith, and B) she’s being sued because of her lack of faith, CNN…shame shame. Keep in mind that this is the 3rd MOST POPULAR story of the day…so I know I’m not the only schmuck out there. This story is not news. If it is news, it’s certainly not the 3rd biggest news story in the world or America…the only reason it reached such a prominent status is because of the bogus headline.

Speaking of CNN, maybe the headline guy had to leave work early and didn’t read the story before crankin out some half-baked headlines – or maybe they were hurting for click-throughs on the site today...The real story here is how CNN completely mislead me into reading a stupid story that had nothing to do with anything I cared about. I would genuinely care if someone was really being sued because they had “lost their faith.” I don’t care if someone is being sued for assault. Assault – it makes sense to pay a consequence by the law and government. Backsledding – none of the law’s beeswax. I just wasted 30 minutes of my life on this stupid fake story, and then 10 minutes trying to come up with my very own fake headline. I’m so angry, I feel like assaulting someone…no time for that though, I need to go unsubscribe from CNN’s Top 10, and then go pray and catch my flight.

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